Please use the form below to send me your question
related to high sensitivity and, if it seems like it could benefit others, I'll respond to it (without using your name).
Q: What kind of work do you suggest for highly sensitive people?
A: Well, if you didn't just ask The Question that started this whole website! Here is my first attempt to respond to this Most Perplexing Quest. All of these pages, really, are a "pointing to" viable, joyful possibilities. I have gone inside, outside, upside-down, round-and-round... I have searched within (my own heart and life)... I have searched among (the many who have theories, techniques, recipes, books, even guarantees that promise to show The Way)... I have searched between (the Rock and the Hard Place; the Mystics and the Merchants; Transcendence and Transactions) and, as a result of all that searching, this is what I offer you:
~ Instead of looking for your perfect work,
let your perfect work look for you. ~
How? How do you let your perfect work find you? By noticing one of these signs that is already happening in your life:
(1) Your interest in and curiosity about _______ keeps growing. No matter how much you learn, discover or master, you just want to go further and further into it.
(2) As your fascination grows, your ego shrinks, and you become willing to appear foolish and take daring risks for _______. Some people don't understand your devotion to _______, and they may even think you're crazy. This doesn't stop you one bit.
(3) Sometimes you trip and fall, but no matter how badly you get bruised, you get back up. Even though you might think about quitting, you just can't.
Alfred Adler (a famous psychologist) said: "I am grateful for the idea that has used me." I now understand what he meant by that. In the past when I tried to do things from my own little ambition, I usually ran out of steam, and saw very few things to completion. But now that I've been seized by this Sensitivity Ambassadorship-thing (it named itself), I am driven by something burning deep inside of me. I am experiencing passion as fuel, so even when I'm tired and discouraged, my love for what I'm doing is bigger... and it keeps me going.
I suggest work that makes you not only feel alive, but makes you feel thrilled to be alive. I suggest work that creates fire-sparks in your mind, heart and hands. Because those fire-sparks burn away the years and layers of accumulated fear. Those fire-sparks light up your path for the first few steps you must take. And the many several thousand thereafter. Those fire-sparks keep you warm when you encounter the sub-zero chills of work-zombies.
You have within you the blueprint, the alchemical potion, the insight and enlightened joy necessary to create your Just Right Reality/Work. You only need to be reminded of this fact, but you can certainly reach the top shelf on which it resides. Please don't let anyone exploit your momentary dissatisfaction... baiting you with the hypnotic suggestion that your bliss is in their pocket. (C'mon. Think about it. What would your bliss be doing in their pocket?)
Warning: If you have an ounce of laziness in you (and who doesn't?), you will pay dearly for it. The tragedy won't be the money you lose, but the precious time you squander. Laziness (or fear or procrastination) will cause you to spend so many months and years getting ready to get ready to prepare to plan to learn how so-and-so-guru thinks you should Do Your Thing, that one day you'll look up and, *poof*, decades will have passed you by. Ouch! Inconsolable, ouch!
There is no short-cut. But if there was, it would be this:
(1) Imagine that your life is a person. A really nice, smart, trust-worthy person. Ask your life, "What do you want to do with me... through me?"
(2) Believe what It tells you. Your life will not lie to you. It can't.
(3) Honor and dignify your life by starting. Now. Who you are and what you have/know at this moment is more than enough to start doing what your life wants to do through you. (Then, once you've started, Magical Momentum will help you out in ways you can't even imagine from your current perspective.)
Don't be detained by details, excuses, illusions, or cozy attachments to playing small.
Your perfect work is someone else's perfect solution. Your expression -- whatever it may be -- is urgently needed, and there is a degree of suffering directly attributable to your delay. However strongly you think you want to Do Your Thing... we, on the waiting end of Your Thing, need it even more. How long will you make us wait?
Here's the key: Your perfect, joyful work is about so much more than you. Your perfect, joyful work is an exquisite response to a meetable need. There is nothing more satisfying or rewarding than doing The Thing you were given breath to do. And because no one else can do it as you, or for you, petty things like scarcity or competition are not even factors.
Creating and implementing income streams that complement your high sensitivity does take time, but every minute of every month is so very worth it... because each incremental step brings you closer to your fullest, widest, deepest Expression of yourself. I'm not talking about a job, a hobby or even a career. I'm talking about a Pulsing, Throbbing Life!
My goodness, I have so much more to say about this, but I also want to share this July 2009 TEDTalk from Daniel Pink, author of A Whole New Mind. In this 18-minute video, he talks about the 'New Business Operating System,' which is based on intrinsic (not extrinsic) motivation. He identifies the three pillars of intrinsic motivation as:
* Autonomy (the urge to direct our own lives);
* Mastery (the desire to get better and better at something that matters); and
* Purpose (the yearning to do what we do in the service of something larger than ourselves).
Q: I've read and even heard that HSPs have a gift with words. Sometimes I feel that way, but other times I feel so consumed by emotions I can barely get my thoughts together. Has this happened to you? How do you cope? I feel like a bundle of nerves so much of the time. Also, how did you determine it was your nervous system, and not just anxiety?
A: Yes, it's true! HSPs have an innate sense of beauty, and we do tend to express that beauty in a variety of wonderful ways –- written, spoken and sung words... visual, musical, moving, culinary and healing arts... architectural, fashion, digital and interior design...
We are profoundly expressive (albeit, often in quiet ways) because of all the sensory data that is impressed upon us. It's not that we ask to be hyper-aware of subtleties and nuances. We just are. And it's grounding and relieving for us to do something with all the whirling activity that goes on inside of us. So we create. We write. We photograph. We paint. We invent. And then we tire. Processing all those sensations –- even the pleasant ones -- can be a lot of work!
When you are feeling "consumed by emotions," and are having a hard time getting your thoughts together, it is simply time to give yourself a resting pause. Depending on your surroundings (loud? chaotic? brightly lit? crowded?) you may find that you need to create more resting pauses throughout your day. For a quick re-charge, give yourself a 10-minute time-out with a portable comfort item -- like a book, drawing pad, journal, MP3 player, aromatic oil, etc. But for longer-term relief, make small incremental changes every day so that eventually your life supports you, rather than stresses you.
How did I determine it was my nervous system, and not just anxiety? Dr. Elaine Aron's landmark book, The Highly Sensitive Person, and HSP self-test explained the source of my anxiousness -- which was prolonged states of overstimulation and overarousal. The thing that makes the stimulation and arousal "over" is having a more refined nervous system that receives 10 million bits of sensory data, versus a non-HSP who receives 10 thousand bits of sensory data. (Those numbers are figurative, not literal.)
Here's another way to illustrate the difference: two people walk together down the same street for the same length of time, but one is wearing thick-soled shoes, and the other is wearing none at all. The barefoot person feels the soft grass (if there is any), as well as the sharp rocks, and cutting gravel. We are the barefoot ones, and we must learn and remember to give our feet soothing soaks :-)
Q: "How do I deal with anger? I seem to find it difficult to deal with the noises of everyday life and the people who are so insensitive and inconsiderate of others. I have the ability to be highly intuitive and also want to make that work for me..."
A: As a city-dweller (Chicago), I empathize with your search for a spot of silence. When out in public, and when it won't impede your own safety, you can wear earplugs or headphones as a way of tuning out unwanted noise. And when you are in close quarters with others, speak your truth with kindness and a smile, like this: "Pardon me, could you please turn your volume down a bit?". Because people are not conditioned to hear the truth of another, your sweet request may actually offend the noise-maker, but that's not your problem or burden to bear.
Regarding your intuition, there are a lot of training programs "out there," but I believe the most authentic training starts "in here." Start by following your own unction, with the confidence that it will lead you to the precise place, person or circumstance that you need for your next step. Like any muscle or skill, intuition is developed through frequent and fearless use.
