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Misunderstood at work

I have worked for a financial institution for 7 years now and hold a supervisory position. They recently hired a new Vice President to oversee our department and with that a lot of changes have been made. In this environment there are also a lot of people constantly trying to get ahead and will do anything to make you look bad. I once complained to my manager about the way a co-worker spoke to me and she told me to grow up and that if I ever wanted to be in a higher position I had to be thick-skinned. I can't leave this job because it provides for my family but it is getting harder to go to work each day. My co- workers jokingly call me "drama queen" and make fun of my personality. I have always been very passionate about my job but feel I am often misunderstood. Lately I have been faced with a lot of confrontations and can't seem to stand up for myself. I am really miserable in my job but feel I have no where to turn.

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Misunderstood at work

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Apr 14, 2010
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starstarstarstarstar 		I'm in the same situation
by: Kara Day

Hi there

I've just discovered I'm an HSP about 3 hrs ago, and like you I work in the finance industry. I tell you my strategy for the next couple of months and I keep telling myself I'm determined not to give in. And exactly like you I cannot afford to give up my job.

A new manager started at my workplace back in Nov, at first I thought she was funny and bubbly. Now, pyschotically cynical and endlessy demanding attention! I now hide behind my pc screen in hopes that I might be able to work the "out of sight, out of mind" mojo on her - this does not work!!! At all!

She is really pushing me (or should that be I'm letting her) to my emotional edge. So here's what I'm doing:

1. I'm seeing my Doc about a medication for social anxiety - I suffer with anxiety and although I only discovered a few hours ago that being HSP is what is generally triggering my anxiety I'm not sure that this medication is the way to go.

2. On advice from my Doc he told me to get in touch with my Occupation Therapy department at work, so see if they can provide any further support for me. My HR dept has been very forthcoming about this but by law they have to do it even if that means they are dragging their feet. I will not give up on this.

3. My husband helped me to draft a 8 short sentences that I'm going to approach her director with to see if he can help me find a way to amicably get her to give me some space.

4. Work know I suffer with anxiety and so they can't be too harsh with me as we have a zero tolerance policy and so they have to offer support.

I hope some of this helps you and know that you are not alone.

lots of love
Mar 05, 2010
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starstarstarstarstar 		Extreme empathy to you...
by: Angela

Wow! You sound EXACTLY like me! I can relate to your story 100% & I'm just TERRIBLE for standing up for myself in a job setting! I despise conflict & confrontation! Some people love it & thrive on it. I think it's 'exciting' for them! Ugh.

I'm SO sorry you're in a place like that. It sounds very unhealthy. I just recently quit MY job-trap at a place that sounds very similar to yours. I've been there since 2002 & I just gave my two week's notice on Wednesday. YES, I *am* in panic mode now but, at least I still have a part time job for the meantime. I have hope & faith though & I'm really quite optimistic about my future. This is the first time is a VERY LONG time that I've felt positive about my future! It's amazing what getting out of a toxic environment can do! Are you able to procure another position somewhere else & then quit YOUR 'job jail'? I sure hope so! You will feel SOOO free! It sounds almost like you should be working in a different (more compassionate) field, maybe. ??? Somewhere not so...cut throat. It amazes me when people tell you to 'put on your thick skin & toughen up' like we can instantly change our entire beings! You can't just change on a dime when you're born an HSP! I've NEVER had "thick skin" & have accepted (& embraced!) the fact that I never will. To be honest, I wouldn't WANT 'thick skin' & that's something I've wanted for most of my life! I *WANT* to be able to feel deeply & be affected by both joy & sorrow! It makes me human & keeps me in touch with the core of me. The "peach pit" of who I am, if you will. My very being IS 'thin-skinned' & extremely sensitive and I can FINALLY say that I never want that to change. We are very compassionate, deep, wise, understanding, 'tear-jerking' types of people & if we weren't meant to be this way, we wouldn't be! We have something that the world needs & wants or we would not have been born highly sensitive! Just as a child born with Down Syndrome is meant to be here & has something to offer the world & its people, so are we. Perhaps you just have to find a better fit for you? If you're really passionate about your field, maybe stay in it but at another place? You know...start fresh with new people. I *HATE* change so, I KNOW that what I'm saying is 'easier said than done' though. I'm fully aware of that. Life changes like that are extraordinarily difficult for me & MANY other HSP's but, whenever I've taken those leaps, I've been SO very proud of myself.

In the end, you MUST do what's right for YOU. What FEELS best in your gut. In your soul. I wish you the best of luck & really do hope that you find that great fit where you'll be appreciated for YOU & what you bring to the table! :) xo
Jan 24, 2010
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starstarstarstarstar 		I send you empathy...
by: Erika Harris

...and compassion for your work situation. The *essence* of the finance industry is without heart... and I'm sorry that you're feeling the ripples of that fact.

I thought about your posting, and here's what came to me: (1) detach yourself from your work -- do give excellence, but no emotional expectation; or (2) if you come to find #1 too robotic and inhumane, "course-correct"... change fields/industry. I've had a lot of practice with this, and could possibly help you with it, too.

We always, always have a choice. Even when it feels like there is none.

Warmly,
Erika

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